Life Burnout? Why burnout is not just a workplace risk for women

This story is inspired by my friend Grace*, who gave me permission to share it here because she feels that many other Second 50 women might be at risk of ‘life burnout’ without even noticing – they’re too busy! 

At age 60, Grace* had a good job, a circle of friends and, despite some financial stresses, enjoyed a life full of books, art and her favourite footy team. Fast forward three years to 2022 and her life was very different.

An exciting and well-paid new job turned out to be a nightmare of toxic micro-management and she had relocated to another state to take on the complex (and often thankless) role of caring for her ailing mother. 

When friends asked, “Are you okay?”, Grace had a fast reply: “Surviving.”  Then she changed the topic. She couldn’t admit she was struggling so badly that she feared she might beat her mum to the grave.

What is burnout?

Looking back, Grace recognises she was suffering from burnout. Most definitions of burnout focus purely on workplace-related stress, however newer thinkers, including Professor Gordon Parker, psychiatrist, founder of the Black Dog Institute and co-author of the book Burnout, helped Grace understand that caring for others is also a ‘job’ that can lead to the same place. 

Grace feels her occupational burnout was caused by the combined overload of work and stress arising from an unrealistically demanding job, alongside the ongoing and unpredictable job of eldercare, made worse because she had moved away from her usual circles of support.

Since talking to Grace, I have started to use the term ‘life burnout’. It’s not official, but when I use it, Second 50 women nod vigorously. I think it helps some women to consider the concept of burnout in relation to the overload of stress, conflicting priorities and overwhelm in their busy, complex lives. 

For years, I've been having conversations with women juggling unrealistically demanding and stressful work and caregiving occupations, spurring each other on with various mantras to just 'push through'.

No two situations are the same, but most women don’t need to look far to identify stressors in our female friends and colleagues that put them at risk of burnout.

Recognising burnout

Burnout symptoms vary however it’s typical to experience a lack of motivation and pleasure in life, lower productivity, an unsettled mood, trouble sleeping, and increasing amounts of exhaustion. 

Different parts of the body can also start to malfunction, leading to increased infections, headaches, body pains or cognitive problems. Some people also notice that they don’t feel emotions the same way.

You can understand from reading this long list why it might be hard for someone approaching burnout to even identify that something is wrong. This was the case for Grace, which is why she feels so fortunate that a good friend recognised the signs and said something. 

Her friend's simple suggestion that perhaps Grace might be suffering from burnout, and the recommendation to listen to an hour-long ABC Listen Conversations podcast on the topic with Professor Gordon Parker was an ‘aha’ moment.

Not only did she learn there might be a solid reason for her constant feelings of overwhelm and exhaustion. Importantly, she realised that she could do something about it.

The next day Grace bought the book, Burnout, and started on a pathway to improve how she was feeling. 

Recovery from burnout

The first step for Grace was changing her paid work. Despite having a mortgage as a single woman and minimal superannuation, Grace decided that the stresses associated with her current job were not worth the income. So, she quit and sat with uncertainty before finding a new role that came with less stress, greater acknowledgement of her skills and a more fulfilling environment.

Making changes to a caregiving role can be even harder.

While Grace’s situation is still very challenging, she has become more comfortable with the unknown and unpredictable journey of caring for her mother.

She’s set some boundaries and found moments for self-reflection. One activity she's found helpful, as a supplement to journaling, has been to visually mind-map her fears and questions about various scenarios. To enable this, Grace bought some coloured pens and made a DIY doodle board (A3 paper clipped to a piece of timber).

Having the support and fun offered by family and friends can also be a lifeline. Grace knows this and makes time for this when she can.

Burnout happens to good people (who care about their responsibilities)

While listening to the podcast, Grace also learned that burnout mostly happens to good people – those who care about their responsibilities, their loved ones and the quality of their work.

It doesn’t happen to egomaniacs or psychopaths who lack empathy, or people who ignore their responsibilities and blame others when things go wrong.

This is why burnout can happen to women taking care of lots of people and lots of things.

How do I know it’s burnout and not something else?

One of the problems with identifying burnout is that many of the symptoms aren’t unique to this condition. 

Burnout-like symptoms can be the result of another or co-existing mental or physical condition, such as depression or anxiety, which may need specialised medical attention. 

However, educating yourself to identify clues in yourself and others, and knowing how to take proactive steps to turn it around, feels like an important Second 50 skill to learn.  

Where to from here?

Grace is still tired as she continues to work full time and provide care for her mother, but she knows this is where she needs to be.

To stave off burnout, she prioritises her workload - paid and unpaid - is conscious about protecting her mental wellbeing by doing less, staying in touch with a few close friends and carving out some time – albeit small – to do things that bring her joy (including loud support for her football team)!

Society may want us to believe that stress, overwhelm – and even burnout – are an inevitable part of a modern life, but I don’t think it has to be that way.

We certainly can't make the most of our Second 50 if we burn ourselves out! 

By educating yourself about the signs and symptoms of burnout, Second 50 women can help ourselves and others to better navigate ongoing stress and regain vitality and resilience. 

*Grace’s name has been changed, but the person and her story are true. Grace told this story to Carolyn as part of a Second 50 conversation in January 2024, and she has given permission for it to be retold here in this article.

HELPFUL RESOURCES

Listen: Taming the Black Dog – Conversations (ABC Listen)

Listen to this podcast (54 minutes) if you want an engaging and well-structured introduction to burnout. It was life-changing for Grace.

 Book read: Burnout – a guide to identifying burnout and pathways to recovery”.

This 2021 book includes fascinating research and insights about burnout and stories from people who have brought themselves back from the brink. It’s a useful guide for anyone who thinks they may have burned out. Co-authored by Gordon Parker, Gabriella Tavella and Kerrie Eyers, published by Allen and Unwin. Grace followed the instructions on Page 3 (in a section called ‘If you need help fast’) and turned straight to the Sydney Burnout Measure questionnaire. Grace said the results were a 'shock to her system', but also found strength from learning there was a solid reason for her constant feelings of overwhelm and exhaustion. 

Article read: Experiencing burnout? Here’s what to do about it

This gives a quick (but useful) overview of burnout symptoms and strategies, however it’s very focused on workplace burnout.

Watch: How to Heal Yourself from Burnout

Sophie Scott is a former medical and science journalist who now teaches people how to prevent burnout and reduce stress. This is her story (60 minutes) about what happened when she was burnt out and how she healed herself.