10 insights I’ve learned from Second 50 this year
It’s almost exactly 12 months since a group of diverse women came together to pilot the concept of a Second 50 community. What started as a simple passion project has already evolved towards our goal of helping Australian women aged from midlife onwards feel valued and make positive changes for themselves and the world. I've witnessed the powerful ripple effect when experienced women connect with a spirit of reciprocity. Together, we can reimagine what's possible and help one another take meaningful action.
To mark this milestone, I am sharing 10 Second 50 insights I’ve had from the year far. I hope at least some of them resonate with you and even spark some insights about your own Second 50 journey.
1. Our experiences are universal
An early insight that still really resounds is that, when women are going through messy lives or transitions – be they around work, relationships, health, financial or something else – it’s easy to feel like it’s just happening to them. The truth is that many of the challenges and experiences we grapple with are collective. Other women have either been there before or are currently experiencing a different version of the same challenge.
Dozens of intimate group discussions in Second 50 have shown that women from midlife onwards share many common experiences. I’ve personally found it empowering and affirming to feel heard rather than going through these experiences alone and many other Second 50 women have voiced the same view.
2. Our constant state of transition
Having studied change management at a postgraduate level and identified myself for decades as a ‘changemaker’, I thought I understood the process of change. But the concept of navigating the many transitions in our Second 50 lives has been a whole new revelation.
It’s easy to think of transitions as just big changes, but it turns out, there’s more to it than that. Change is external – something that happens to us - but a transition is an internal psychological process of adapting to change, and it takes time.
No wonder life often feels like a whirlwind for Second 50 women. Think about the planned and unforeseen changes in your own careers, caregiving responsibilities, relationships, identity, health, financial and housing situations – the list goes on. There are also “non-event” transitions, which involve those expectations, hopes and dreams that never materialised.
While we can’t avoid change (and why would we want to stop evolving?), we benefit from learning how to navigate them with more grace and resilience. Building skills and support networks is very helpful and even simply being conscious about the process - including the inevitable “messy middle” – is empowering. It doesn’t mean that every transition will be easy, or a happy time, but it does make growth possible.
3. It pays to tackle the tough stuff before it tackles you
There are many conversations and decisions we tend to push aside, thinking they can wait. Before Second 50 put them in front of me, I now know that I’d been sidestepping a whole range of important topics that felt easier to ignore. Topics like menopause, death, ageism and gendered ageism, gendered violence, preventing and caring for people with dementia, burnout and empathy fatigue, and even what financial security means in a long life.
Here’s the thing: avoiding these issues doesn’t make them go away. It only makes them harder to face when they eventually surface somewhere in our lives. This year, as I’ve listened to experts and people with lived experience, I’ve gained curiosity and courage. That’s given me new agency, confidence and resources to take positive steps in all of these areas – to help myself, people I care about and others too. So, don’t avoid Second 50 topics. Lean in, get curious and start exploring. You’ll thank yourself later.
S50 tip: Our Sage Advice Live and Virtual Cafes zoom events are all available to members live and on-demand. Non-members are welcome to read our blogs for more information on all these topics and more.
4. We all have ‘sage advice’ to give and we all need mentors
Some women have joined Second 50 to share their expertise or to mentor others, while others have come seeking inspiration and support. What’s very clear - and a little bit magical - is how often those roles reverse during our Second 50 lives.
I have been watching women offer their expertise in a Sage Advice Live, then gain support and affirmation from others through connections, activities and forums. This two-way flow is the heartbeat of our community. This year, one of my great joys has been seeing that the reciprocity in Second 50 is real. I constantly hear women - even some of our wisest elders and experts - say that they’ve been heard and that we ‘see each other’.
5. Our burnout is real
A new Second 50 member recently explained that, while she was excited to join Second 50, she was too exhausted to give much right now. She’s not alone. In case you haven’t noticed, many women who give a shit are quietly running on empty, worn thin by never ending demands of their work, caregiving and the weight of dismissing the impact of life events like being retrenched, getting divorced, losing a loved one, or caring for challenging neuro-diverse kids.
In hindsight, I’ve been there too but, what I’ve learned this year is that burnout isn’t weakness and, especially for Second 50 kind of women, it isn’t just a work condition. ‘Life burnout’ (my term, not a formal one), happens to good women who care, who give their all, and who keep going long after their reserves are drained. I am grateful to say that I’ve recovered and can now see the signs in many other depleted and overwhelmed women pushing through, subjugating their own needs, dismissing their feelings and telling themselves they will rest when there’s “time” (even though, when you’re burnt out, there never is).
S50 insight: Read about one Second 50 member’s experience with burnout
6. The world needs experienced women who give a shit
We know we live in a world that often overlooks and undervalues women in their Second 50, especially those of us who have decided to contribute outside “the system”. But together, we have a unique power to increase our visibility and our impact, all while creating meaningful change and lives. I am loving the growing diversity in Second 50’s blend of expertise, life experience, wisdom and heart.
Reciprocity is at the core here: we lift ourselves by lifting each other. I want Second 50 to be a space where we can test, fail, share and support each other. And in doing so, harvest the collective knowledge and amplify our collective impact, to help make the world better, together. There is so much for us all to gain, to learn and to give - and the world needs it big time!
7. The rise of the ‘doula’
One big revelation I’ve had this year is the transformative role played by dementia doulas. These compassionate care leaders walk alongside families and individuals, guiding them through the complex and often overwhelming journey of dementia, from diagnosis to the end of life.
I’ve started to think about and talk about the opportunity for these kinds of compassionate care leadership roles beyond dementia care. Birth and Death Doulas existed before dementia doulas and I now recognise evidence of ‘doula’ roles, for example in organisations like 4Voices, in the way they walk the journey alongside people rather than providing a transactional service. What if our broken systems in so many care sectors were supported by compassionate care leadership roles like these?
S50 knowledge: Are you intrigued by the idea of a Dementia Doula? Read more here.
8. Self-reflection in midlife is empowering
Taking time to reflect on your life after you’ve clocked up more than four or five decades can be very empowering. The first time I did our "Mapping Your Second 50" exercise really shifted my perspective. I recognised for the first time how some of my biggest mistakes led to some of the best things and people in my life.
After a year’s worth of wisdom gained from members of our community, I did the Mapping again recently and gained new insights and benefits about what matters to me – and what doesn’t. I also know I’m not alone. Seven cohorts of Second 50 ‘mapping graduates’ have shown that we don’t need to wait or abandon our responsibilities in order to reflect on our life and begin to chart a more meaningful future.
9. Women who never pause will never escape the churn
Speaking as a reformed over worker, I now believe passionately that busyness is a trap and can also be an excuse to avoid reflecting on what is most important to us in our one unique and precious life. So many of us live by the unconscious beliefs we’ve been conditioned to tie our self-worth to and so fill our days with endless ‘important’ tasks, stuck in the churn.
I am elated to see how many smart, busy and capable women have carved out time for themselves outside of the daily grind, to pause in Second 50; to connect, self-reflect and take positive steps to a more meaningful life. Pausing isn’t just about slowing down. It’s also about having the curiosity, self-awareness and confidence to discover and curate a life that energises you. Another curious truth I’ve learned this year is that women who take care of themselves, know themselves (and what matters to them) will show up better for themselves and also for others.
10. A community that meets women where they are
This year, I’ve really been buoyed by how much women who give a shit love the vision of Second 50. However, as I identified above, good women are busy, the burnout is real, and time is our most precious asset. So, it’s important that we don’t require anyone to spend lots of time on things that don’t help them. I want Second 50 women to be able to dip in and out, to gain and give – and to know when and how they want to do that.
Every woman’s journey is unique and rarely linear. My goal is to steward the community in a way that helps each person work through their own “Second 50 project” and cycle of change. Not everyone has time to spare for workshops or online discussions. Not everyone lives near enough to others to attend an in-person Meetup. That’s why Second 50 is intentionally designed to be calm, and to let you participate in ways that feel right for you.
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For me, the past year of Second 50 confirms that the second half is ours to shape and embrace and I am a lot more conscious of and knowledgeable about the many complexities and possibilities in our second half.
Whether you join us or not, be intentional in your second half. Pause. Reflect. Dream. And reimagine the ways we can make the rest of our lives the best of our lives - together.
I've been privileged to soak up the collective wisdom shared and cultivated through our online spaces and activities – including life mapping sprints, mentoring groups, in-person meetups and virtual forums like Sage Advice Live, Virtual Café and Campfire zoom events. Add to those 16 editions of The Loop, dozens of member stories and countless online discussions filled with wisdom, expertise and vulnerability. It's been an incredible year of growth and connection.