How a chance meeting with Wendy Hall changed my view of dementia

Have you ever had a chance meeting that led to a profound conversation that’s left you with a completely unexpected new perspective?

That is exactly what happened in July this year when I met Wendy Hall, founder of Dementia Doulas International and Dementia Doulas Australia.

We were sitting around a table in Adelaide, sharing ‘Second 50’ stories when Wendy introduced herself and explained what had led to her creating the compassionate leadership role of the Dementia Doula. 

The timing could not have been better as, just weeks later, family and carers started expressing concerns about my 94-year-old mother’s memory, lost keys and times of confusion.

I bought and read two of Wendy’s four books – Dementia Can’t Take Everything Away and The Dementia Doula. Both opened up a new world of insight for me, challenging the stereotypical view I had of dementia, increasing my understanding about what’s wrong with the prescriptive approach to dementia and on the enormous potential of lifting the level of compassionate care for people living with dementia and their families. 

A Dementia Doula is a relatively new concept. These wonderful people aim to provide information, education, support, liaison and advocacy all the way from post-diagnosis through to bereavement. They can support individuals and families on a one-to-one basis or offer non-clinical leadership within the health and aged care industries.

I’ve since gone onto engaging a Dementia Doula who lives in my Mum’s city. Over just a couple of sessions, our mindset and approach to supporting my extraordinary mum has been revolutionised.

I‘ve shared more about this inside our wonderful, supportive Second 50 community. Looking back, I realise when we went down the ‘clinical’ path, we were acting in very good faith, but from a place of fear, even panic, about where this might be heading. We’ve been socialised to consider dementia as the end of someone’s quality of life and something that should be medically managed and/or handed over to institutions. Small adjustments by family members and carers, suggested by our dementia doula, are making a world of difference.

I am now embracing my mum’s ‘last stage of life’ which, of course, might last for a month, a year or even a decade! I also know that things will change with time, and she may well end up needing medical or higher-care interventions. But my family will do our very best to include Mum in each step we take by giving her a proper voice in decisions about her carers, tests, treatments and life. And having access to the skills, knowledge and support of our dementia doula.

Dementia Doulas Australia

Wendy and I are also highlighting dementia and the role of Dementia Doulas within the Second 50 community as, even if members don’t have loved ones who experience dementia, we all pass by people with dementia every day, whether at the supermarket, in the park or at the library.

I’m delighted to support Wendy Hall as she launches Dementia Doulas Australia on Thursday 10 October! This new non-profit organisation aims to eliminate social isolation by creating a community-centred support network that enables families to access a dementia doula.

Find out more about this amazing organisation and Wendy’s books, see the Dementia Doulas Australia website.

And, if you’re a woman aged over 45 and would like to connect with like-minded women who want to share and learn about issues as diverse as dementia, ageism and planning for the second half of your life, please consider joining our Second 50 community.